Back to real life, back to cynicism—I mean, reality! Really, I meant reality. OK, so that’s a lie. It’s back to my normal cynicism. I mean, really? Isn’t reality pretty cynical no matter how you slice it?
Okay, okay. Enough is enough. But I suppose I feel as though some things are hard to say. I know how I feel on the inside, but it’s something that is very hard to put into words. All of the world is becoming a dark, twisted black hole of tragedy and negativity. Even this royal wedding was twisted into something overwhelming that really flooded over real life. Though today’s post is not a soapbox on the royal wedding. I’m over it.
Life has become to me this vastly unpredictable routine. As oxymoronic as it sounds, that’s what it is. I normally do what I always do, and occasionally, a few things change throughout the day. Though I will say that there are very few things that that actually change throughout the days. When something big does happen, it continues on and on and sometimes things even happen to add onto it. I miss these little breaks. I’ve been trying to find a usage, a way to spend my energy productively. I know that the natural disasters and things around me have happened, but I have yet to be able to find a way to really help. I want to help, but I feel so helpless. I worry and worry and worry but I can’t change the world. Feeling as though you want to do something but don’t have the means or the knowledge to be able to do so…it’s a dreadful feeling. I want to help so much, but I’m not very useful at the moment. I have begun to wonder if these feelings I’ve been having as of late is some kind of future indication that I will be able to do something great later on. One may only guess.
Reflecting on my entire day, I have bore my pain of cynicism and then anesthetized the pain a little with a slight bit of optimism. So in order to balance my thoughts of cynicism, I will proceed with optimism.
Despite everything that has happened to me today, there have been many good things that have happened. To be a person that was not affected by the disaster directly was nothing short of a blessing. At least in this respect, I will be able to use my time and perhaps my talents somehow to be able to help the ones that were affected, though I will admit to not knowing what I can do just yet. As far as my general health, it’s been good. I can’t really say that I’m wanting for anything right now, other than some rest. I suppose I am thankful for the ability to do something to help counter my uselessness of the moment.
A question was asked today in sociology class: “If knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss, which would you rather have?” This simple question sparked a class-long debate of circumstances in which each alternative would be favorable. The answer that all of us managed to conclude on: neutral. There are points (even on the same subject) where knowledge is power but at the same time, ignorance is bliss. Coach used the illustration of his daughter. He taught her that in softball, hitting the ball as hard as one can manage to hit is the best thing to do when at bat. She used that knowledge to perform well; however, he had never given her the knowledge of the fact that she was able to be hit by a softball that was intended for her hit. With her ignorance of this fact, she seemed to perform at her peak. But when she played in real life and one night got hit with the softball, the gaining of knowledge of that situation was not necessarily power at that time; she had allowed this new knowledge to hinder her performance.
Let it also be known that with the gaining of knowledge, it may at first hinder performance but can then be applied afterward with the right resources and be turned into power. Though, not all knowledge can be converted into something that is more helpful than hurtful. Knowledge of things like local issues or world issues such as economic woes, gasoline prices, or aggressive military action does little to lead us to power, but rather more worry. No matter how cynical and worst-case-scenario I speak of all of the time, I still feel the crunch of high gas prices or the pain of losing a loved one just as strongly as someone with a positive outlook. There are some who would argue with me, but then again they have their own blogs.
There is so much I could do with this post, but I believe I will leave it here. If you have your own opinion, leave it in the comment box. If you have a debate, then…well, that’s what forums are for. And this is not a forum.
-Alya.
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