Missing the Pieces of My Head.

Insanity, Insanity. It seems to be running rampant nowadays. Oh gleeful yet stress-inducing insanity. I wonder how long I can take you on? I’ve taken this job already thinking that I must have known what I was doing, yet I’ve come to realize that you manage to dumbfound even some of the most prepared adversaries. What shall I do with you? Which manner should be appropriate for handling such a formidable opponent? Oh, Insanity. You really should take a vacation. Perhaps then I shall be able to conjure up a better plan to challenge you effectively.

Yes, that was my very small ode to Insanity. It’s a little short to be an ode, but oh well. Insanity speaks for itself. Lately I have been feeling as though I am surrounded by nothing but pure insanity. It doesn’t make much sense to me anymore. My life has turned into this very unsatisfying and weird piece of cryptic mumbo jumbo that has only really proven to be a living oxymoron. My room itself is a living oxymoron, as it is truly an organized mess. One can scarcely make heads or tails of it! I miss the peace and quiet. It was rather nice. Soon I will be acquainted with the long-missed peace and quiet once again. That in itself will be wonderful.

There isn’t really much to say today.  I took the book back to BAM and got my money back. I really didn’t have a need for it anyway. But other than that, this has been an (abnormally!) normal day.

-Alya Songstress

Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb, Pepsi.

While reflecting on the past few days’ events, I have come to realize a few things:


1.) People will be how they have known themselves to be. There is no way to change them unless they have the willpower, capability, and proper resources to be able to change.


2.) Trying to change a person after accepting said person is nothing but a pointless endeavor. There is no acceptable reason to contemplate a reason to, attempt to, become frustrated with trying to, or ultimately give up trying to change a person. They will change if they want to. Save your time, money, and energy. You will need it, especially in this economy.


3.) Trying to change someone proves even more fruitless if the person in question is someone that you were not able to choose, but were rather born under their supervision or company. If they are, in fact, a parent or relative, then any attempt to change them is generally also taken as an act of disrespect.


4.) Chances are that after reading my first three points, one would be confused by the time he/she would reach this point. In a nutshell, the above three points say this: There is no way to change someone unless they want to change. You have no one to blame but yourself if you try to change someone and then become frustrated at your inevitable failure. Finally, trying to change someone is even more pointless if the person in question is someone in the family or someone in authority.


5.) I’m done.


Unforgivably rude people. I’ve had my share of them. In fact, I feel as though I’m living with them. But today was not a good day to say the least. I feel as though I’m invisible to everyone around me and even when people notice me, I’m always being snubbed. It’s not a wonderful feeling.


I took a trip to my local Books-A-Million to find one classical book and nothing more. I looked around very peacefully, found my book, then stood in line peacefully and waited behind two ladies that had been standing in front of me. The man at the counter was very nice to them, serving them nice compliments and handling their purchases very carefully. But when he got to me, he had nowhere near the same courtesy, to say the least. He didn’t even ask for my discount card, he barely even said hello to me, and wouldn’t even put my book in a bag. I had to ask for a bag.


Now really. I know it seems very trivial for me to get upset over something like that but it bothered me. I was very insulted that he was so nice to the ladies in front of me but he snubbed me. And really, he had no reason for it. It made me very upset and it’s been bothering me all day. I think I will just take this book back. I would rather spend the extra gasoline and go somewhere with better customer service. Or maybe this was just a sign that I really didn’t need a new book at all.

Sigh.

-Alya Songstress

Kit Kats and Cherry Pepsi

Stepping down from the excitement (and cynicism) of yesterday has felt like nothing short of a crash landing on an oxygen-deprived foreign planet. It’s been a little weird. But I can’t really complain. I’ve gotten back to my normal routine of unpredictability. Yes, a living oxymoron. But…such is life. Like I said, isn’t reality pretty cynical no matter how you slice it?

So I’ve caught a small case of the wedding fever. So what. I mean, how can a girl not catch it? Here I was trying to separate myself from any speak or riffraff about the dang wedding but it was literally everywhere. There was literally nowhere to go without hearing about the wedding. Though I will say that I fell in love with the fashion of the wedding. I loved Pippa’s maid of honor dress. A lot of people tried to say that her wearing white was in bad taste, but I feel like that fashion tradition has been a little outdated. I believe in this day and age a woman should be able to have the wedding that she dreams of, myself included. One of these days I will get married; but rest assured, I will be marrying no prince.
Reflecting back on the day today has not brought much of anything to mind. I suppose this means that everything is about back to normal. And so, I close with this last thought: A day without learning is a day wasted. I may not have learned much new today but I have earned myself a little bit of pocket change. So does that make this day worth it? We shall soon find out.

-Alya Songstress

Protein Bars and Bottled Water

Back to real life, back to cynicism—I mean, reality! Really, I meant reality. OK, so that’s a lie. It’s back to my normal cynicism. I mean, really? Isn’t reality pretty cynical no matter how you slice it?
Okay, okay. Enough is enough. But I suppose I feel as though some things are hard to say. I know how I feel on the inside, but it’s something that is very hard to put into words. All of the world is becoming a dark, twisted black hole of tragedy and negativity. Even this royal wedding was twisted into something overwhelming that really flooded over real life. Though today’s post is not a soapbox on the royal wedding. I’m over it.
Life has become to me this vastly unpredictable routine. As oxymoronic as it sounds, that’s what it is. I normally do what I always do, and occasionally, a few things change throughout the day. Though I will say that there are very few things that that actually change throughout the days. When something big does happen, it continues on and on and sometimes things even happen to add onto it. I miss these little breaks. I’ve been trying to find a usage, a way to spend my energy productively. I know that the natural disasters and things around me have happened, but I have yet to be able to find a way to really help. I want to help, but I feel so helpless. I worry and worry and worry but I can’t change the world. Feeling as though you want to do something but don’t have the means or the knowledge to be able to do so…it’s a dreadful feeling. I want to help so much, but I’m not very useful at the moment. I have begun to wonder if these feelings I’ve been having as of late is some kind of future indication that I will be able to do something great later on. One may only guess.
Reflecting on my entire day, I have bore my pain of cynicism and then anesthetized the pain a little with a slight bit of optimism. So in order to balance my thoughts of cynicism, I will proceed with optimism.
Despite everything that has happened to me today, there have been many good things that have happened. To be a person that was not affected by the disaster directly was nothing short of a blessing. At least in this respect, I will be able to use my time and perhaps my talents somehow to be able to help the ones that were affected, though I will admit to not knowing what I can do just yet. As far as my general health, it’s been good. I can’t really say that I’m wanting for anything right now, other than some rest. I suppose I am thankful for the ability to do something to help counter my uselessness of the moment.
A question was asked today in sociology class: “If knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss, which would you rather have?” This simple question sparked a class-long debate of circumstances in which each alternative would be favorable. The answer that all of us managed to conclude on: neutral. There are points (even on the same subject) where knowledge is power but at the same time, ignorance is bliss. Coach used the illustration of his daughter. He taught her that in softball, hitting the ball as hard as one can manage to hit is the best thing to do when at bat. She used that knowledge to perform well; however, he had never given her the knowledge of the fact that she was able to be hit by a softball that was intended for her hit. With her ignorance of this fact, she seemed to perform at her peak. But when she played in real life and one night got hit with the softball, the gaining of knowledge of that situation was not necessarily power at that time; she had allowed this new knowledge to hinder her performance.
Let it also be known that with the gaining of knowledge, it may at first hinder performance but can then be applied afterward with the right resources and be turned into power. Though, not all knowledge can be converted into something that is more helpful than hurtful. Knowledge of things like local issues or world issues such as economic woes, gasoline prices, or aggressive military action does little to lead us to power, but rather more worry. No matter how cynical and worst-case-scenario I speak of all of the time, I still feel the crunch of high gas prices or the pain of losing a loved one just as strongly as someone with a positive outlook. There are some who would argue with me, but then again they have their own blogs.
There is so much I could do with this post, but I believe I will leave it here. If you have your own opinion, leave it in the comment box. If you have a debate, then…well, that’s what forums are for. And this is not a forum.
-Alya.

Candied Strawberries.

One of these days I may get everything right. All I know right now is that everything is a jumbled up mess. A mess in my home, a mess in my life, and especially a mess in my thought processes. I suppose I will tell what’s in my thoughts in the order that they come to me, though I warn you that not much of it will make sense.

To be truthfully honest, I am so tired of this royal wedding fever. I mean, people get married all the time! Okay, so royalty doesn’t get married all the time; I understand all of that. At first it was nice to have a little bed of roses away from the toils of life that have become high gas prices, trouble in Libya, the earthquake/tsunami in Japan, the attack on South Korea, America’s huge budget deficit, and the slowly recovering economy. It seemed like Murphy was making some overtime runs this year. But then the announcement came. FINALLY, a break from all of the gloomy madness! But then the madness soon channeled from all of the bad things going on into all of the wonderful cheeriness and whatnot of the royal wedding. Then it became an obsession. And now I’m sitting here kinda wishing that the world would hurry and wake up. Though I suppose that it will all die down a month or so after the “I do”s, I still feel as though this intended “break” from reality will only snap us back into real life harder and faster than we’re ready for once it’s over. But then again, who *really* cares what I think?

-Alya Songstress